I am awful at remembering. Absolutely. Awful. I have no accountability, I am too shy to post on my own social medias, and I cant finish more than two chapters of a book without being overexcited to read the next book, thus never finishing a book and having a stack of reading I never finish. I also never think before I talk, I go on tangents and somehow never end up where I was meant to take it. I finished my first book in years a few months a go. An audiobook. But a book all the same. It was by Rev Kate Bottley and it was honestly the best listen I have had in a long while. I listened to it whilst cleaning the kitchen, in the bath and whilst walking to uni. In which I always end up taking the long way round to hear more of the book, which means I get in more of my 10,000 steps!
As I said. I go on tangents.
SO this is why I am making this blog! I have a lot of personal things in my life that I like to keep private, however at the same time I am a chatterbox and want to talk and talk until my jaw falls off. I bounce ideas off people, and I suppose this is my way of bouncing ideas off of myself, being able to refer back to what I was talking about or what ideas I had. This also allows me to see my progress, how my views change over time.
Recently I have realised I have no idea who I am. I bounced from person to person, aimlessly trying to make friends with people and being a huge people pleaser and forcing myself to fit in with them. This did not work, I do not advise changing yourself for people, at the big age of 22 I am now confused as to who I am and where I fit in. That was until I found my church. I grew up with Christian grandparents and a mother who held resentment against Christianity (not sure why, but I am respectful and dont mention it). It has been a year exactly since I started going to church, I got baptised early this month, and boy do I feel called to ministry.
That is a different post entirely, I had so many feelings about it I felt like I was going mad. I still do, but I feel firmer and more secure in where God is sending me. Why me? Where am I meant to go to? At the time I wasn't even a Christian. I had just ignored this urge to go to churches, to read the bible, I had pushed God away so far and I was angry at the world for this pull I had towards Christianity. I was a teenager, full of anxiety, full of resentment at the world and sick of being bullied. The few Christians I did know outside of my family also got bullied. Why would I be a Christian if it was extra fuel on the fire? Life was hard enough. My mind kept telling God to go away (not exactly in those words), to leave me alone. Days would go by and the thoughts would come back, go to church, try it out, and I would get more and more frustrated until eventually it stopped. It later came back and this is when I realised God was calling out to me and trying to save me.
I haven't read the bible all the way through, haven't even read all the books. I have listened to them all, paying attention was a very different matter. I love to study the bible, however I get so side tacked and in depth I do a chapter at a time and I am going to finish it in 2080 at this rate, so trying to find what works for me. I think my aim will be reading 10 chapters a day, and a key story each week. I recently studied the Samaritan woman at the well, and it has been going round and round my mind all week.
I am on a tangent again - so what are my plans for this blog?
- Books! I want to read a book, do an overview, what it taught me, why i liked or didn't like it.
- Bible study! I want to get my ideas out there. Maybe a different story each week.
- Personal reflections - I have a lot going on in my life. I have needed to show a lot of forgiveness where it may have been difficult for others, and I just want to get the feelings out.
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